1-AUG-2025 | Murder Burger Job Ad

Author

Dan Bogachek
August 01, 2025

You glance at your watch.

It’s 6:28. You’ve been at it since 3.
Crap. Your hot date is at 7. Running late. Sink shower it is.
Nowhere close to done editing…

“…at least all the ideas are laid out, so there’s that. Did I miss anything? I don’t think so? Ok, but how do I make it flow? I need to get the final draft to Stacey for design asap, team cutoff is at noon Thursday…”

You’ve spent dinner completely distracted. Your date just took off. You go home exhausted, plod to your desk, and flip open the laptop.

Or… what if:

5:41 — you’re out of the shower and lip-syncing.
6:17 — dressed to the nines and zenned out.
7:03 — the sunset glints off your aviators as you smile hello.
8:36 — it actually feels like you’re hitting it off. Not just hot, funny to boot.
Next morning, 9:27 — final draft ready in your inbox.
10:31 — Stacey messages back, “thanks, looks good!”

The difference?

Copygloss handled it. Before you left for the date, actually.

For help with editing, email Dan:
[email protected].

Murder Burger Job Ad

Murder Burger Needs More Meat

We’re in need of some more people to work shifts in Murder Burger.

Basically the job involves turning up, taking money off people and not pissing anyone off. Which as an aside, is something the people at Vodafone should learn.

Unlike our esteemed political leaders there are no taxpayer funded perks to go with the job. We won’t pay your rent, clean your house or fly you all over the world for free. However we will bend over backwards to try and make your shifts work around whatever else you happen to have going on in your life.

You’ll be trained and looked after by Noel, who is nice, Gary, who is Indian, and Tony who can’t be reached on the phone ever even if there is something really important you need to talk to him about.

So if you’re looking for a challenge (whatever that means), are an enthusiastic self starter (whatever that means) and can turn up on time then send an email to [email protected]

In other news, today I learnt that bats always turn left when exiting a cave. 🏁

Personality, baby.

From the self-deprecating humor and casual tone to the name of the establishment. So macabre… but so cute.

And the monochrome. Ugh, I’m a sucker for monochrome.

Some details:

  1. “You” and a little bit of “I” towards the end is perfect for the conversational tone.

  2. Repetition with the parentheses and the “who is.” Milder repetition on the lists throughout.

  3. Momentum bridging in the beginning of sentences, though they are on the softer side. The usuals are “and,” “but,” “so.” Here we have: “Basically,” “which,” “however,” and we do also get a “so.”

Whoever wrote this wasn’t into the whole brevity thing. Which is great for something like this, where you want your applicant to pass the proverbial vibe check.